Recent Changes

"Achieving Clarity", page 78,#3 The directions say to review these sentences and replace the vague, impressionistic words with more specific information. The sentence #3 is Failure to purchase this will have a negative impact. I would change this sentence to If I don't buy this it will cost me more money in the future.
"Achieving Clarity", page 78 #2 The directions say to review these sentences and replace the vague, impressionistic words with more specific information. The sentence #2 is The machinery will replace a flawed piece of equipment in our department. I would change this to We will get a new fax machine for the office on Monday.
"Avoiding Sexist Language" Page 120 #1, The directions say to revise the following sentences to avoid sexist language. Sentence #1 says All the software development specialist and their wives attend the conference. I would change it to All the software development specialist and their spouses attend the conference.
"Avoiding Sexist Language" Page 120 #4 The directions say to revise the following sentences to avoid sexist language. Sentence #4 says The president of the corporation, a women, met with her sales staff. I would change this to The president of the corporation met with the sales staff.
"Reducing Sentence Length to Achieve Conciseness" Page 79, #1 The directions say to revise the sentences using the techniques suggested in this chapter. Sentence #1 says In regard to the progress reports, they should be absolutely complete by the fifteenth of each month. I would change this to the progress reports need to be completed by the fifteenth of each month.
"Reducing Sentence Length to Achieve Conciseness" Page 79, #2 The directions say to revise the sentences using the techniques suggested in this chapter. Sentence #2 says I wonder if you would be so kind as to answer a few questions about your proposal. I would change this to could you answer a few questions about your proposal?

"Using the active voice versus the passive voice," page 78, #5. I would rephrase the sentence "The symposium on polymerization was attended."
"Avoiding sexist language," page 120, #3. I would rephrase the sentence "Every technician must keep accurate records for their monthly activity reports."
Avoiding"Avoiding sexist language,"

"Reducing word length to achieve conciseness," page 79, #1. The word given in #1 is "advise," and I would replace it with "warn."
"Reducing word length to achieve conciseness," page 79, #2. The word given in #2 is "anticipate," and I would replace it with "expect."
"Reducing sentence length to achieve conciseness," page 79, #1. I would rephrase the sentence "The progress reports should be complete by the 15th every month."
"Using the active voice versus the passive voice," page 78, #5. I would rephrase the sentence "The symposium on polymerization was attended."
"Avoiding sexist language," page 120, #3. I would rephrase the sentence "Every technician must keep accurate records for their monthly activity reports."
Avoiding sexist language," page 120, #6. I would rephrase the sentence "The chairperson of the meeting handled the debate well."

“Reducing Word Length” Page 79, # 9, The directions are to replace long words with shorter words. The word given was “initially.” I would replace it with “first.”
“Reducing Word Length” Page 79, #6, The directions are to replace long words with shorter words. The word given was “endeavor.” I would replace it with “attempt.”
“Reducing Sentence Length” Page 79, #5, The directions are to shorten sentences by being concise. The sentence says “If there are any questions that you might have, please feel free to contact me by phone.” I would write “Feel free to call me with any questions.”
“Reducing Sentence Length” Page 79, #2, The directions are to shorten sentences by being concise. The sentence says “I wonder if you would be so kind as to answer a few questions about your proposal.” I would write “Please answer a few questions about your proposal.”
“Using the Active Voice Versus the Passive Voice” Page 78, #1, The directions are to rewrite the sentences using the active voice. The sentence was originally “Implementation of this procedure is to be carried out by the Accounting Department.” I would change it to say “Implementation of this procedure is being carried out by the Accounting Department.”
“Achieving Clarity” Page 78, #1, The directions are to replace vague statements with specific statements. The sentence says “We need this information as soon as possible.” I would rewrite it to “We need this information by 5pm today.”